Let's get into this! Have you ever felt that you've bent over backwards, gave your all (and then some) to satisfy the wants and needs of a client because you felt obligated to?
As a midwife, I have witnessed countless miracles of birth and the strength of motherhood- it's something to talk about. It requires a lot physically and mentally but I love what I do. I get up every day no matter how I feel and put my best face and foot out there to help moms bring babies earthside. But let's talk about being true to self while we serve others.
Remaining in alignment with your own values can be a tedious task, especially in a trying environment that requires so much of you. But how do we stay true to ourselves while we take care of others? The term "integrity" may be different for everyone. What I deem as true and valuable may not be the same for you.
Maintaining integrity is important for all birth professionals in every setting. When I worked in the hospital, my morals and values were often challenged. Pushing meds that weren't medically necessary. Prepping patients for surgery for "failure to progress" when the truth was the provider was on their way on vacation and had to leave. But if you didn't "follow orders" you would be disciplined or fired. As a self- employed midwife with a home birth business. I have a lot of financial responsibilities and income is always a stressor. I have to meet the financial needs of the business AND my personal expenses. But what I've learned is that all money ain't good money. I won't sacrifice the quality of my service or my own inner peace for the sake of money. Period. It ain't worth it. I never put myself in a position where I am obligated to service someone uncomfortably because I accepted their money.
Tips on How to Protect Your Peace and Integrity!
Be Authentic: When you serve others, it's important that you remain authentic. Remain true to yourself. Don't try to be something you are not, don't try to make someone think you practice in a way that you don't. If a conversation or action doesn't sit well in your soul, acknowledge and accept it for what it is, and redirect the issue.
Screen Potential Clients Thoroughly: Have very in depth conversations with potential clients about your service, what you offer, what you don't offer, requirements and especially, expectations. Be clear, firm and up front about how you can help client reach their goals within your scope of practice. Do not make promises. Have clear conversations about the shared responsibilities between you and the client. If you feel a candidate is not a good fit, that's ok! Politely and respectfully state " unfortunately, I don't think we are a good fit, but I am more than happy to help you find other midwives to interview! Want to learn how to to master client consultations? Purchase the guide here!
Learn to Say No: I know many "yes queens" are reading this post. If you tell someone no, your day is ruined because you feel bad about it. It's time to drop that attitude dead in its tracks. This practice can turn you into a people pleaser and you will miss out on living life for you. You will constantly make sacrifices for others without considering your own needs, which is unhealthy. Accept the fact that it is not intended for you to work with everyone. And, quite frankly, you shouldn't want to!
Remain Grounded in YOU: To protect your peace while you serve others, you have to know who you are. You have to know who and what you represent because if you don't, you will be going around believing every lie people tell you about yourself. You might become stuck in the cycle of worrying- worried if you will fit in or meet others’ expectations.
Avoid the Drama: My husband put it best.. "People will always be peopling!" I laughed so hard but it hit me clearly! Yes! You can't stop people from peopling. But you can choose whether to deal with their stuff or not! I have said in a similar post that I value my peace, and where peace is, there is little to no drama. That's where I am aiming to stay. The more you avoid dramatic situations, the more you will experience peace. Going around and stressing about every problem there is not beneficial. Let's be intentional about our peace.
You are worthy of connections. You don't need to compromise who you are to fit in or please folks. Be unapologetically you. Stop wondering if you are enough. You are worthy of love and belonging, and most importantly, peace of mind. YOUR PEACE AIN'T FOR SELL!
Purchase the Mastering Client Consultations Guide for Independent Birth Professionals here!
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